5:42 PM
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Blog Challenge-our verse is:
Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms
- I Peter 4:10 (NIV)
How do you feel God has shown you the gifts He has graced you with? How do you feel you use your gifts? Are you wondering what your gifts are and if they can be of use to God?
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I feel my gift from God is writing. I love writing, it is by far my favorite thing to do.
I think I have really been shown that writing is my gift because of how much I feel words. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I do, I feelwords. The written word can convey so much to me. I read what someone has written and I know exactly what they feel.
I write to let out all the messy jumbled emotions I have inside and they flow out of me like a gentle breeze that pushes my soul out through my pen. It's a wonderful thing for me. I write happy, sappy love stories and poems, and dark, deep poems, songs and ramblings. Then there are the strange and yet interesting stories that are usually spun from dreams. So yeah, I write a little bit of everything. Every emotion you can feel comes out in my writings.
I guess thats how I use my gift. It's my outlet for my mind to put everything out there for everyone to see and connect with, because if there's one thing everyone in the world has in common it's feeling. We're human, it's what sets us apart from the beasts.
I think, well, I hope that by doing this maybe someone will read something I've written and know that there is someone out there in the world that feels the way they do at that moment in their life. That their not alone in this big world (It's amazing how we can feel alone in a world packed full of 7 billion people). And maybe they'll remember that there's someone up above thats there for them. Someone that steered them to find my writing and know that we are all connected and to find comfort in that. That is my hope anyway. One can always hope that something they love to do will make a difference to someone else.
Now I think to myself 'Maybe there could be other gifts God has given me, but what could they be?' I don't know the answer to that, but maybe these things won't be revealed to me for some time. I have a lot of life left, hopefully, haha, I kind of do hope he plans to share something with me a little later on down the road. I'm sure I'll be ready for the excitement of something new in 20 or so years, but as for right now, I feel more than blessed to be able to write.
12:17 PM
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This is a story I wrote I couple years ago and finally entered it into the Lorian Hemmingway Short Story Competition this year! Winners are announced next month so we'll see, keep your fingers crossed for me :)
Even in Dreams
She is torn by hate and ignorance. She is dying from the killers of man, beast, and land. She fears for her people that suffer from poverty and disease. She weeps for her orphaned children, her children forced to be soldiers, her children that are hungry or lay sick and dying. She has but one thing that remains a constant in her world...hope. It thrives throughout her people. It sings within their hearts. All else may die around them, but hope always surfaces, even in the face of the most unimaginable horrors this world can manifest. She is made beautiful for that if nothing else. Their hope breathes new life throughout her land. She is alive in a way only her people can give her; they make each beat of her heart with every song that is sung for her.
She is Africa.
I've ventured out further than I should have from the school I've been teaching at in a small village in Uganda. I've wanted to see the land since my arrival. Today, I finally decided I would do so. What started out as a short walk has turned into a long hike. Lost in wonder, I can no longer see the village, but I'm sure one of my fellow missionaries will look for me soon enough. It's probably wise to stay put for now. I drop my pack, and look up to take in this new world.
I'm standing in a never-ending field of dying, burnt green. Small hills in the distance were outlined, surrounded by the most weightless mist, moved gently by a soft breeze to slowly engulf the distant landscape. The sky above stretches as far as the eye can see, covered by clusters of white and gray clouds with the occasional blue piercing.
There's a silence that I can't describe to its full effectiveness. A sort of quiet that I imagine is beyond that of my reality. Normally I would find this silence disturbing; I find comfort in the sounds of my life that keep me from solitude. This was different, I did not fear it; I strangely enough welcomed it. It's a serenity that embraced my very being on a level I never thought possible. There are no crowds, no forms of transport, and no noise resembling the life I know, the life outside of Africa. All that is audible is her. In the stillness, she speaks, she sings. In every branch that sways, every blade of grass that shifts, every beast that breathes...she sings. I close my eyes and listen to this song I've never heard.
As unexpected as those few precious moments of peace were, it was even more so when it was suddenly lost. Time had passed and I had not even noticed. Darkness fell upon my serene piece of heaven. A young, fair-skinned woman lost in Africa at nightfall, I should be terrified, but instead I have a calmness that surprises me. Someone should come soon to find me, I tell myself again.
Even under this utterly black veil of night, there was still a remarkable beauty about it. The vast dark sky full of the most radiant stars shimmering in such a way to make ripples of their light, they seemed just close enough to touch. Reaching out, as if I could run my fingers through the light like water, I pulled back realizing how far away they really were.
As my gaze fell from the sky, I saw something across the land in front of me...shadows, small shadows, moving swiftly and covertly through the dark. I pick up my pack and sandals quickly. Closer to them now, almost running, I struggle to catch up. I feel wetness on my feet. Looking down briefly I see my bare feet bleeding and covered in dirt from the terrain, and the haste at which they move. I had removed my sandals to catch up to their pace quietly and without faltering. I hadn’t stopped to think about how harsh the terrain is.
To my right are the shadows, a group of children effectively blending in with the night merely highlighted by the sparkling diamonds of the sky. They move at a constant pace, in complete silence. No laughter or giggles, no sobs or moans. No sounds resembling that of ordinary children. They simply continue to jog across the plain in a robotic manner. I would wonder if these children were really human if it wasn't for their innocent faces that expressed each individual. They looked tired and worn from a long journey, but determined and eager to reach their destination. Though silent as they were, a few tears fell from their faces; their eyes screamed the terror their bodies could not. I tried to speak to them, but they ignored me, only glaring at me occasionally. I couldn't stop thinking there had to be a reason for them to act this way, it was like a ritual them. A number of questions race through my mind, ‘Why are they so scared?' ‘Where are we going?' I did not voice these ramblings. They had allowed me to follow; my silence was of the utmost importance in hopes that they would lead me to shelter for the night, and possibly a guide back to the village in the morning.
For a matter of seconds the night’s silence between us was broken. I immediately stopped. Looking back I saw nothing, the dark concealed the world from me. Again, rapid popping sounds one after another. Not knowing what distant gunfire sounded like I was left to assume that was what I had heard. The group of shadow children was ahead of me, I could barely see them. They hadn't even stopped for a moment, but now their pace had increased. I struggle to catch them, the pack I've carried upon my back, so heavy now, my legs aching in pain and exhaustion. Their bodies seem weakened, but their hearts strong enough to push them forward. The tears are more prevalent now, glistening streams pouring down their faces, but still not a sound.
None of the children seemed to be over the age of twelve. I wanted to hold them all. Cradle them from the monsters they were running from, wipe way their tears, and promise they would be safe, but I couldn't stop running. Not even for a moment. In the distance, I saw to where we were headed. Dim golden light, that was barely recognizable to my straining eyes, outlined the buildings of a small town. The little shadows silently rejoiced with a burst of energy that noticeably increased their speed. We were all now in a sprint toward whatever haven the town would provide. Closer and closer. I was breathing heavily, about to collapse. Almost there, so close I could hear the breeze flow through the streams of alleys.
I could feel the dim light on my skin. My legs slowed unknowingly in relief of the safety I assumed we had reached. I walked comfortably, trying to breathe in every breath to its fullest. The children up ahead were well within sight but not reach. The dirt streets were lined with dark shacks, a building of some sort here and there, all made from different compilations of material. Looking ahead again, to my surprise one of the shadow children has stopped, staring back at me. I looked behind to ensure there was not some kind of horror lurking behind me that had simply stunned the child. Nothing but what had been there before.
She was lean, but strong, tall and long for a child no older than 7. Her white tank top with little pink and blue flowers was turning brown from dirt and torn in multiple places. Her hair was short, no longer than 1/8 of an inch. Her skin was the darkest, richest brown. Her eyes were big, dark pools that shone bright though dark they were. She was a beautiful child of Africa.
Staring at each other, both of us very interested in the other. I continued to draw nearer. She stood, studying me, not afraid or nervous. She looked at me as if she had known me all of her young life. She trusted me. When I was close enough, she reached out her small hand. I hesitantly took it. She turned and led me, though we walked side by side. Astoundingly this child noticed my distress, she looked up and smiled, giving me the comfort I so desperately needed. So strange, this relationship we had forged was truly backward, a grown woman being comforted by a child. It seemed as though I was alone in this dark world except for the shadow children. They had saved me from whatever evil was following us.
We walked toward a large building. A few children sat on a couple steps in front of the entrance. They examined us while there still was distance between us, and then disregarded our presence. We weaved through them to the entrance, the door was open, barely attached at its hinges. Soft lighting showed the large space to my weary eyes.
Nothing in life had ever prepared my mind or heart for what lay before me. Hundreds of children lie in every direction on every inch of the cold floor of the room. Some on nothing more than a thin layer of cloth, others on a handmade woven pad, but most lay on nothing at all. Speaking in a tongue I didn't know, the little girl who lead me spoke in a stern and yet empathetic tone to another somewhat older boy. I continued in my sad amazement that so many little bodies were packed so tightly in such a small space...but what was more concerning was why. Were we all running from the same mysterious gun shots? Was this their safe sanctuary? My mind could not begin to grasp the thousands of questions streaming through my head. Are they all orphans? Where are we? Are their parents alive and somewhere else? How could they leave their children alone? Where are they? Why are they all here? Why here? What has happened to these kids? What is coming? What’s Happening? Are they coming? Are we dead? What’s going to happen to then? What do I do for them? Oh God help me, what do I do? I can’t save them. Can I save any of them? From what? What do I do? What is coming? What is coming?
STOP.
She's pulling me, by my arm, out of the room back towards the door. I walked with her, her face concerned, tears welling up in her eyes. I think we have to leave. The older boy sent us away; there was no room...no room. We weave through the children on the steps again back to the alley. She clings tightly to my hand, staying somewhat closer to me than before. We walk steadily, she scans every object the light allows her to see, she twitches ever so slightly at every sound the night makes, she is more alert than before. It seems as if she has been trained for this. She glances up, searches for the moon and back to the alley. It calms her to see the sky. I don't know this, but I tell myself it every time she does it--it helps me to think she is comforted as I am by its beauty. In reality, which continued to escape me for mere moments to help keep my calm, I think she was checking the time based on where the moon was in the sky. I wonder if she was praying for daylight as I was.
I don't know if she knows where we are going. We seem lost. We have made twists and turns throughout the town. She walks strongly, determined for awhile, and then slowly, almost confused, her nerves steer us elsewhere. She's scared, we're scared.
Sound, up ahead. She clinches my waist as tight as she can, arms wrapped around me. Screaming and wailing in silence, tears flowing like a river down her face, she falls apart in absolute terror without a single sound. I hold her, looking ahead, trying to think. Two bright lights, horizontal, round, stayed side by side. HEADLIGHTS! It was a car, coming fast. I grab her, pulling her harshly like a leech from my body, throwing her up into my arms while starting to run. She clinches again, around my neck, against my chest, I can barely breathe...there's no time to breathe. I'm running as fast as my body can. She's heavy, weighing me down, but I still move swiftly. I stay behind the shacks, staying close to them, hiding in their shadows. I don't know who they are, but she's terrified and they're close. Another side alley, I round the corner. More headlights in the distance! I stop so sharply we slide on the dirt and nearly fall flat. I push up from the ground with one hand using it as leverage to keep my footing while holding tightly onto her with the other. Regaining speed, I continue to run back the way we came. Oh God! I hear them, I hear them! Screams. Laughter. Gunshots. Screams. There's a doorway at the back of one of the shacks. I dodge inside through the cloth that acted as a door. My back against a wall, in a corner I slide to the floor, breathing as quietly as I can. Across the room was a family. Sitting as we were. They were huddled close together, the woman holding the child, the man holding them both. No words were spoken, no movement of any kind made. We just watched each other closely and listened to this horrible thing that was happening throughout the town.
My little shadow was shaking and sobbing in her silent way, holding on as tightly as ever. I could feel her heart pounding, raging in fear against mine. I cradled her head in my hand, and held her as close as I could, rocking slightly back and forth. A tear fell to the skin of the top of my hand. It had been my own. My face was drenched in tears and sweat, I hadn't even known I was crying. My body ached, sharp needles pierced throughout my legs... so tired. No matter the pain I felt, my mind continued to function at its best. Please God give me strength. I knew we couldn't stay here. This wasn't safe enough...for any of us.
With every stream of shots, the sounds grew closer. They would be here soon. She continued to quiver, but had calmed with my slower breathing. It was time, it had to be now, before they were too close. I slowly brought myself, with the girl in my arms, to my feet. Looking toward the family I wanted to say something, anything, but even if I could there was nothing to be said that could change anything.
Turning to face the cloth door, I closed my eyes for a moment. Opening them I dart instantaneously out of the shack to its side where the dark keeps us hidden. The roaring engines are coming. We must keep moving. We are near the outskirts of town; luckily the shack we had hidden in was so close. I think Africa herself is safer than here. I’d rather face the land instead of these monsters. It's the only chance I know to take, please let it be right. We have to make our way toward the land. Running again, it seems like miles, but only minutes have passed.
I see the dark void that is the open land. We still hear the screams, mostly women and children. The laughter is that of men and comes only after the shots or screams. It all echoes throughout the makeshift town creating a terrible symphony of pain and fear. I can't think what's happening to them, I'm certain it's too awful to wonder. I must focus on what I have to do; I have to keep her safe.
We've passed the town line, which is nothing more than the end of the dirt to the grass. We're in the open, there was nothing to shield us except the night. Hunching over as far as I can, I try to keep going as fast as possible. The tall grass dances across my skin as we pass through it, almost distracting enough to make me forget about the sharp rocks below my feet.
To each side of me I see others fleeing the town. All going their own way, seeking refuge in the dark. It must be safer that way. I keep away from them, running to nowhere, but we're distancing from the sounds...from them. I tell myself I'll run until I hear that silence again, the silence that the light of day had brought. It would come soon. It had to come soon, though I knew there were hours left of night.
My once sprint had weakened into barely a brisk walk. Missing steps I tried to keep going, but I had nothing left. The town was nowhere in sight, and not a sound was to be heard that was out of place.
I fell to my knees, struggling to hold on to my little shadow. Her arms fell limp, one still around my neck, the other to her side. She was breathing slow and deep. Sleeping, finally sleeping, like children should be at this time of night. A smile comes to my face, as I hold her close. I kept her safe.
We were there for a few hours, she slept soundly in my arms the whole time. It's time now. The sun gradually climbed the sky illuminating the world to me once more. The fiery oranges and yellows shower us both in a golden glow. The sun has never shown so bright. My tears fell and dried in its brilliant warmth before even touching my skin. Beginning to whisper, I leaned to her ear and sang as gentle and soft as my tired body would allow.
Sleep little shadow,
I'll keep you safe.
Sleep little one,
we're in God's grace.
Sleep sound little shadow,
feel the warmth of the day.
Sleep my little one,
I promise to keep you safe.
